(PART 1245)


Did Klein's mark their rifle packages with the word "FIREARMS" or something like that? I have no idea if they did or not, but I think Bud is right in the sense that you [conspiracy] kooks seem to be blaming a potential legal error made by KLEIN'S on the POST OFFICE.

Is it the contention of conspiracy theorists that the post office should be liable and responsible for a gun reaching the hands of a person who ordered it from a mail-order company, even if that mail-order company doesn't fulfill its legal obligations?


Doubtful whether the post office had the right to open and inspect or withhold packages even if it had something written on the outside indicating it held a rifle.

It seems possible to me that it's a question of it not being enforced. Here in Philadelphia it is punishable by a fine if a recyclable item is found in your general trash. I doubt anyone has ever gotten a fine, and I doubt that a general trash can has ever been collected that didn't have recyclable items in it. If something is not enforced it will likely be ignored.

And the feeling was probably mutual, the Post Office likely wouldn't want to be buried in forms any more than Klein's would want to be. Likely hundreds of thousands of rifles were sold and shipped via the mail, meaning tons of paperwork. With so little crime being committed with rifles, it may have been back-burnered. Likely the Postal police were busy enough with mail fraud. The back of every comic book had dozens of examples of mail fraud (remember those x-ray specs?), and these things went on year after year.


Oh boy, Bud....you might have set yourself up for a Kook Attack here, with a kook coming back with:

Bud, you dipshit, how can possibly have the 'nads to compare a seldom-enforced law about recycled trash with a law that deals with firearms?

This whole topic has now reminded me of the hilarious "Weird Laws" that are still on the books of many U.S. states....laws that quite obviously are never ever enforced (and for good reason).

I've jotted down a few of my favorites (from the "hilarious" POV) that I found at an Internet website. It's hard to believe that some of these aren't just made up out of whole cloth. But, here they are anyway:


....No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.

....If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property, you may shoot them.


....Idiots may not vote.


....Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

....It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday. [DVP INTERJECTION: On Saturdays, though, you're allowed to land all the whales your boat can handle.]

....It is illegal to get a fish drunk. [Now, all we need to figure out is WHY anyone from the Buckeye State would have a desire to make a mackerel tipsy? ~shrug~]

....It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance. [Too bad I'm not from Ohio.] :)


....It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. [Don't worry, driving giraffes and bison ARE permitted in Vegas, however.]


....It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich.

....All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.

....When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed. [Huh????]


....It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

....Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. [Conspiracy theorists of the world---are you listening to this??]


....At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches. [No restrictions on the cole slaw and potato salad, though.]

....All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday. [But only if the weapon was purchased through Klein's in Chicago, and shipped (sans the proper papers) to A. Hidell in Dallas.]

....Hunting on Sundays is prohibited. [This law is obviously on the books in conjunction with the one I posted right above it. It's to protect the preacher who gave a silly-sounding sermon during church services.]

....Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.

....No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

....Bullets may not be used as currency. [Bullet SHELLS, however, CAN be used in lieu of cash. Two 6.5mm shells = $2.25.]

....Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes. [Kennedy's home state sure has some beauts on the books, huh?]


....A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

....It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. [In your kitchen, okay. But on the front porch, forget it.]

....It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding. [At the wedding REHEARSAL, however, it's perfectly okay to shoot off your cannon. I'm not sure about a funeral, though. I'll check that out and get back to y'all.]

....Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue. [If you haven't wet your pants by this time after reading this one....you must be dead.]


....Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.


....The penalty for jumping off a building is death. [And if the penalty doesn't kill you, the thing you did wrong certainly will.]

....While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.


....You may not have more than two dildos in a house. [Tom Rossley?? Are you hearing this??]

....It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine. [But if it's the real McCoy....you're in the clear.]

....When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses. [A dandy and logical little law here. This one was added to the books by members of the "Funeral Directors Association Of Arizona, Inc.", in order to boost sagging sales.]


....Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. [Enforcing this one must be a bitch!]

....Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

....Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another’s hamburger. [What about a cheeseburger?]

....It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle. ["War & Peace", okay. "The Archies", no way.]

....It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots. [~sigh~ Rossley????]

....Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus. [A cab, fine. On a bus, uh-huh.]

....Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car. [A Kleenex in the front seat is okay however. Remember this, Tulsa-ites.]


....It is illegal to place a container filled with human fecal matter on the side of any highway. [Rossley???]

....Dishes must drip dry. [Enforcing this one must be a bitch too. .... (knock on door) -- "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm Officer Taylor with the Dish Police. We need to inspect your drainboard please."]

....One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing". [Quite a built-in quandary with this one, huh?]


....Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.


....In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.


....It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. [If the moose has already expired, however.....Geronimo!!!]


....Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.

....Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March. [Whew!]

....If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices. [I think a "WTF??" is overdue....don't you?]

AND MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE --- (drum-roll please) --- IN IDAHO....

....It is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than 50 pounds. [No wonder there were so many blimps in Boise the last time I was there.]

Lots more hilarity at: DumbLaws.com.

David Von Pein
October 19, 2008